This I Believe

I recently did an assignment for school, an essay supposed to be in the style of NPR's "This I Believe". It was fun to write and I think it's fun to read, so I thought I would post it here. Let me know what you think because it is the first time I've done this type of writing and I had a ball.

This I Believe

The dream was sparked in childhood, seated at the knee of my grandmother, the lastborn of 14 children. Certainly, life was hard. Their mother died young, leaving the younger ones to be raised by the older ones as the Great Depression blanketed America like a heavy black cloud.

But still. Nine older sisters to dote on her. Four older brothers to look out for her. Never lonely, although certainly never alone, either.

The years passed by and the children grew, married and had families. Adulthood turned to middle age. Grandchildren of the older siblings played alongside the children of the later-born ones. Sunday gatherings varied in location, but always included loud, raucous laughter, card games, joke-telling, arguing. Sitting at an endlessly long rectangular table. Reveling in each other's company. Little ones, including my brothers and me, kept busy doing what children do. We played. We watched the grownups .

I marveled at their togetherness, at how much they looked and talked alike. I noticed how they aged alike, tight grey perms on the older ladies, polyester pants, and "card-playing glasses." I saw the affectionate teasing, the comments that secretly screamed the unspoken. Most of all, I heard the stories: of childhood adventures, of family tragedies shared and survived, of accomplishments and triumphs and endless hard work. Hushed stories, whispers of long ago feuds.

Attics, spare rooms, and basements held treasure troves of shared history. Group pictures, the siblings dressed in their finest and standing stiffly and formally behind their father's casket. Other pictures, lighter times; laughing and horsing around in the lake, wearing vintage swimming suits and carefree smiles. Fascinating, yellowed letters from war-torn Europe, sent by great uncle Ernie to his baby sister, letting her know he was OK and would be back.

I knew of other families with many siblings, and noticed the same cohesiveness, the shared experiences that bind only those who've lived it together. The knowledge that there was always someone to be with, to talk with, to conspire with and get in trouble with. My dad was one of five, and it was a rare day when one of his siblings didn't stop by just to visit and laugh out loud over things that nobody understood but them.

Slowly, my dream took root: a large family.

Well before I reached adulthood and childbearing years, large families were a thing of the past. Grandparents came from large families, parents did too, maybe, but the newer generation of adults – my generation – were from small families. Large families seemed to only be found in fundamentalist religious communities. The expectations of society had become clear: large families were no longer acceptable in the mainstream.

But still—I believed. I believed that children growing up in large families were given a priceless gift. I believed that they would learn to share, to communicate, to teach and care for others. I believed they grow into special individuals with integrity and confidence. I believed that rather than resenting having to share their parents with many others, children could instead revel in having so many more people to know them inside and out and love them fiercely anyway. I believed that sharing their lives with so many built-in playmates would encourage creativity and teamwork. I believed that large families did not have to be expensive, that children from large families could wear nice and stylish clothes and have good toys and plenty of fun.

And so I married a man who shared that dream. Today, I am a proud mom of five kids, with a span of seven years from the oldest to the youngest. I'm told I don't look the part--whatever that means. I'm working on my fourth college degree; I have a full-time job with the federal government that provides excellent health care for my family. My husband and I work opposite shifts to avoid daycare, and while it’s tough at times, it works for us.

Our children thrive.

They are best friends—and sometimes enemies, but I believe that teaches children how to handle conflict. The only girl, the firstborn, loves to write plays and direct performances by her brothers, her willing pawns. The boys build forts and drive little cars with wild abandon on the hardwood of the kitchen floor. Two love to write and draft stories together and hope to someday write a book. The children celebrate each other's triumphs, welcome each other home from adventures, nurture each other when they are sick.

A hard drive full of pictures attests to all this. A five-gallon pail on the floor in front of a sick-looking boy on the couch has "barf bucket, do not touch" scrawled on the side – made by a big sister doting on her baby brother. A triumphant four-year-old arriving home after a preschool open house to announce "Guys, I'm back!" and being greeted by a stampede of feet and flurry of questions. A sweet newborn baby turning his head when he first hears the voices of his siblings, voices he remembers from in-utero. A fiercely protective older brother, all of six years old, demanding that visitors wash their hands before they touch “his” baby. That same big brother, two years later, sneaking a peek into another little brother's classroom "to be sure he's not in trouble." That other little brother, now six years old himself, a grade ahead and excelling at academics, skipping to the front of a crowded auditorium to receive an award, basking in the proud cheers of his older brother and sister. That newborn baby now nearing two years old and more adored and spoiled than any only child could be. Every last one of them, except that spoiled baby, wishing there were more of them!

Gramma is gone now, as are 12 of her siblings. One hardy soul lives on, 93 years old, stoically going about her life that is now so different from years ago. She misses her siblings. Good and bad, they filled her life from start to finish.

And I most definitely still believe.

movies

im going to try to upload two videos. ana got her orange belt in tae kwon do today, and then she came home and taught zac how to do the kick. hysterically funny. let's see if this works...then ill add some stories.

Where to start, where to start? I thought it had only been a week, but it's been almost 10 days since I've posted. My muse abandoned me and I'm not sure it has yet returned. Most of my schoolwork this semester consists of writing so I guess I am getting my outlet that way.

This week Ariana took a big step and made a phone call to a friend herself and invited her over for the night (this was with my approval). This is a big step for her because she is very shy and has in the past refused to make phone calls. She was asking if Lexi could stay overnight and I thought about it and realized that I don't mind the friend over--I just don't want to be making those phone calls for her. So I told her she could have her friend over if she made the call herself, and she did. Friday night, then, Lexi's mom dropped her off around 8 pm (after a basketball game at which lexi had some cheerleading thing going on). While the girls took off to play (followed by a phalanx of boys), I stood and visited for awhile with Lexi's mom. Lexi has a little sister named Sarah, who is a couple weeks older than William. According to Lexi's mom, Melissa, young Sarah has recently revealed in interesting misconclusion. She figured that the thing she saw on a daycare boy that she does not see on herself is an extra toe. Can't say I've heard that one before, but now that I think about it, I can see the resemblance!

Elijah was very pissy that Ariana had a friend overnight. Not because he wanted HIS friend over, but because he thought he should be able to be in there with them, gossiping and doing sleepover stuff and ultimately sleeping with them. I ended up having to have he and Ben both in my bed because Ben rooms with Ana and Lexi was using his bed. The laugh of the day came in the morning when we located one Mr. Wils slumbering amongst the girls.

Ariana finally summoning the courage to make that phone call has opened the floodgates and I am now officially the Ernestine of my own switchboard. Ben wants to call Maggie and DJ, Elijah wants to call Allie and Noah, and here's my favorite--Wil wants to call Kooper, Tyler, and "Gabin". We figure Zac also wants to call Grace.

Yesterday on my way home from work I called home to see if there was anything I needed to pick up at Target (by the way--never ask Elijah that question). I thought it was Ariana who answered the phone--I can't tell them apart. So i said, "Is this Ana?" And I heard back "No, Mother, it is I." That was Elijah being a dork. No, Mother, it is I.

So, anyway, having revealed that it was he, I asked what they were doing. We are playing doctor, he said. My ears perked up. Everyone knows that "playing doctor" is kid talk for doing bad things. How so? I asked. Well, he said, we are being that kind where if you have a problem the doctor tells you what to do. Ben hired me, he said, but I'm doing it for free this time. Tell me more, I asked him. Well, he said again, I'm working on Wil right now, and his problem is that he gets mad too easy, so that's what I'm talking to him about....................

Wils saw some snowmobiles for sale-I dont' know how he knew what the sign said--but he asked if we could go back and get his wallet. Seems like his fiscal intelligence has now reached the level of his father's.

To close, I thought I'd share an anecdote from work. We had a patient this week who was diagnosed with a paraphilia, which is new psychobabble for being a pervert. His fetish? Carnal relations with his vacuum cleaner. I wonder if he needs viagra.

That note leads me to a bit of sad news, and I'll explain the connection in a minute. My aunt Marilyn died this Thursday at age 61 of a very aggressive form of kidney cancer. She was diagnosed in August but by then it was widely systemic and breaking her bones. Horribly painful way for her to spend her last months. Hans and I did get up to see her about 10 days before she died, so that was good. Anyway, how that last paragraph made me think of her....she would have thought that was hilarious. I'm working on a tribute for her funeral right now and when I'm done I'll post it (it will be a few days--as I said, my muse is missing).

I need to call home and tell them to give the cats and dogs water--when I left for work this morning, Blue was in the heated dish, so I believe I am safe in assuming there is no water in there :)

Note to Katie and Mary Jo (and Grace!)

First, Mary Jo, thanks for posting a comment! I was delighted to see it!

Also I wanted to let you guys know I got my pictures uploaded and I have a zillion of Grace. I gave the camera to Ben and look what happened :) We have one on our computer as our wallpaper (another thing that I did not do myself and which suggests there may be secret admirers hereabouts) and Zaccy keeps pointing and saying "Baby!". Just wait...in not too many years...it will be "Babe!"

Katie, I will forward the pictures to you sometime this weekend. The computer is new and I"m still moving my camera software and all that over and figuring it out.

spies among us

This is the second post of the day; be sure to read the lengthier one below. I just remembered something really cute and wanted to record it for posterity.

When we returned from Wisconsin on Sunday evening I was busy exploring my new computer (which is heavenly, by the way). The kids were busy doing something. Something. I sort of knew where they were and hadn't seen any blood or limbs or anything so just focused on my task.

and then. I caught a glimpse of black out of the corner of my eye. I looked. Nothing there. Was it a dog? Was it my imagination?

I turned back to my computer.

and then. again. another glimpse. This time headed down the stairs. I better check this out.

I went to the stairs. Nothing there. Very quiet. This is bad. I went downstairs. The family room was dark and empty..........save for 5 black figures crawling along the edge of the wall. SPIES!

They had dressed up all in black and were doing something stealthy! Their oufits were to die for. I hope I get my turtlenecks back....I need my Johnny Cash look. They can keep the tights and caps.

I got a picture...I'll post it later.

Meow...and the formation of young men

Yes, the kitty strikes again. Wils had to come with me to the VA last night to return a pager I accidentally took home with me. Several coworkers came to say hello to him and when he saw them he held up four fingers and announced "I'm four". After that he switched into kitty mode and would only meow. So, this cat is 4. One of the RNs asked him his name and he said "Meow". So she said, your name is meow? He said Meow. She said OK.

We've been going through a thing lately with Elijah. He is trying to be a big shot and thinks the way to do that is to be obnoxious. It's all too obvious that he is trying REALLY hard. Some of the behaviors are not BAD, per se, just more boisterous (boysterus?) than usual. We had a den meeting for his boy scout den at our house on Monday night. He and his fellow 8 year old males were rowdy and I was able to debrief with the other parents and was relieved to hear they are ALL acting like that, particularly since Christmas.

So here's an example. Keep in mind, this is Mr. Prim and Proper, the rule nazi, Mr. Won't Wear Underwear because someone might know. He was playing with this new Bionicles toy that he got from Gramma for his birthday (just too spoiled!) and it kind of shoots something out. When his friends left, he was still going on all 4 cyclinders and couldn't wait to tell me his news. "Guess what???" he said, "I was pointing this at Evan, and I shot it, and it accidentally got him in the NUTS!"

I almost fainted. I have NEVER heard him even REFER to that body part, much less as "nuts." When I told Gramma the story she wondered if he even knew what nuts were. I said yes, he does now, because apparently what happened was that Lij did shoot Evan, yes indeed in the nuts, and Evan doubled over and said "Hey! You shot me in the NUTS!"

These are 2nd graders.

What will the next 10 years bring???

I got another taste of that last night again. Without laying a lot of groundwork (it's not nearly as bad as you are going to imagine, but I need to protect their privacy), suffice it to say that I had reason to talk to Ben and Elijah both about what is and is not appropriate for little boys to look at. I explained that it's OK for boys to like to look at girls, but not girls without much clothes on (Lij's eyebrows went up lisciviously and he broke into a miniature leer). I said it's just fine to enjoy looking at girls in their clothes. His face fell. "Nah" he said "Why would i want to do THAT?"

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Ana passed her test for her very first belt in Tae Kwon Do. She is now a white belt. She enjoys it very much and is good at it. We had a bit of a tiff last night and she wrote me an awesome letter of apology. It was so good I thought someone else wrote it! In brief, what had happened was as we were leaving tae kwon do a car pulled up and it was her friend Isaac from Montessori. They haven't seen each other in 4 years! We recognized them immediately and they stopped their car to talk. However, Ana wouldn't talk--she hid behind me. I was livid. I didn't talk to her all the way home, and then left with the little boys to go to St Cloud to return that dang pager. When I got back she handed me the note. Actually, it was a contract that I was supposed to sign and return along with any comments. In those words--from her 9 year old head. Phrases included were "I was tired and hungry and I felt sweaty and just wasn't in the mood to see an old friend. I know that's not regular behavior and I try not to be shy and I will work on it." I loved the way she said 'just wasn't in the mood to see an old friend". Then there was this line at the top that said "To my mother, Tracy, whom I will forgive ONLY if she reads and signs this"

So mature, yet so girlish :)

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This past weekend in Wisconsin we got to see some other old friends and meet a new one. My cousin Katie, whom I used to babysit for, has a 1 year old baby, Grace. Katie, her husband Corey, Grace, and Katie's parents Craig and Mary Jo came over for Elijah's birthday--mostly so we could watch Grace and Zac together. Well worth the planning--they were a hoot. Grace has bright red hair and a great belly laugh. She is very friendly and would let us hold her. I could see I was watching Zac discover the joy of girls. I remember when Elijah did! Zac called her "baby" and wanted to pat her back. They talked to each other--I have it on video. When people were leaving the party, Zac was calling "See ya later!"

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Last but not least, I stopped at Barnes and Noble last night with Ben, Wil, and Zac as I needed to pick something up for school. The minute we walked in the door, Ben zoned in on a little black hardcover book about Abe Lincoln (famous quips and speeches). He started asking for it. My first thought was no way--this is not a kid book. I tried to steer him towards the kid's section, thinking the one he chose was beyond his abilities. I asked him if he could read it. "Yes," he said, opening the book, "Four score and seven years ago,........................"



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Elijah is 8

Today is Elijah's 8th birthday! Wow--time flies. Seems like just yesterday he was this very persistent little foot in my ribcage. Now he's a persistent pain elsewhere.

Last night was the big party and it went great. We had it at Quarry Cinema in Cold Spring. His guests were Dylan, Dreydin, Allie, Annamarie, Noah, Ariana, and Ben. It's really fun now having kids close in age because all of Elijah's friends know his siblings and they all play together and get along well.

We were given a tour of the projector area prior to the movie--very cool! I always assumed it would all be digital, but it isn't--it's 3 foot wide reels of film. The kids were fascinated and the birthday boy got to press the button to start the movie. The movie was the Pink Panther 2--extremely stupid and boy did they laugh their little butts off.

I noticed a gender difference. Both of the girls made a big deal out of including a card in his gift. None of the boys bothered. Annamarie made him a very nice handmade card with a very nice note about hoping he has a very nice birthday...love, Annamarie. Allie bought a card but also signed it "love, Allie". Oh, my. Make note that Allie was his first grade girl and Annamarie is his 2nd grade girl. At this rate those birthday parties are going to be awfully big by high school. I also think Ben is going to steal a lot of them--he and Annamarie hit it right off. I got a chance to talk to her mom when she arrived early to pick her up and found out that Annamarie, like Ben, is a year ahead in school. They are a very interesting family; the father is from Montenegro, which is in the mediterranean; the mom is Serbian. I told the mom I've been to Europe and have family there; she asked where; I said Italy; she said with her heavy accent "Yes, yes, the hair, of course".

Wils had a great time at Lynn's. He and Zac went there and then Brian picked Zac up at 7 after the movie started and they went home to bed and Wil stayed with Lynn. They baked--Wil brought his little baking set that she gave him. After, hearing the details of the party, William told me that when it's time for his birthday, he wants to have the same party as Elijah, except when it is his birthday, he wants to go to the party instead of to Lynn's. Gotcha, Wils! We'll try to accommodate that, for sure!

Our new computer arrived yesterday. Yay! I've barely had time to set it up, and won't have any time until Sunday at the earliest. It's going to be very nice. We also got one of those flip videophones and will be able to upload video clips to this site. That will be fun.

Last night after the party Ariana went to work on a new book using Blurb.com and she let me see the first page. The book is called "just4" and the introduction explains it is about life with 4 brothers who are her best friends. Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. And then, as she typed, she raised as finger and said "But I want one more"

They are looking forward to this weekend. We are going to Wisconsin to Gramma and Papa's for Elijah's family party. They will be meeting a new friend, baby Grace Schmidt. I used to babysit Grace's mom, Katie; we had a great time! {"What'dja say, Charlie?"}